Entering That Grey Area

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The Twilight Zone – Wiktionary definition- a region in which surreal, supernatural or fantastic events occur

A place in-between or the gloaming; whatever you call it, it’s a place I thought I would never find myself. That grey area between being a novice and an expert. It’s that awkward spot when you’ve passed that initial learning curve and people expect you to know what you are doing. It can happen to anyone starting a new job or relationship, learning a new craft or a language.  Even parents of kids past that tough toddler stage are looked to as skilled in their duties and asked for advice.

We all know looks can be deceiving.

I no longer feel as if I’m new to writing, but I’m still a good distance from where I see myself heading. My dilemma is that I have grown, but at the same time other’s perceptions of me have as well. Can I meet their higher expectations?

It’s crazy, but some people think I know what I’m doing. It’s because I’m no longer afraid to sit quietly in the corner trying to decipher what others are saying. I’m an active participant in conversations on craft, marketing and social media. This gives people the impression that I know what I’m talking about and maybe I do. But I still feel like I’m winging it.

I thought once I had this knowledge and could participate and put myself out there I would be more confident. Leaving the newbie status would somehow put me where I belong, or at least where I want to be.  I’m finding that not to be the case.

A new wave of anxiety has gripped me. The fear that others will be disappointed in my results haunts me with each new endeavor. Not that I feel that way about my writing itself, I do believe I am growing and on track to one day soon be published.  (fingers crossed)

Is every stage of this journey just as terrifying as the first?

I am challenging myself in areas that scare the crap out of me, but I’m doing it. What frightens me the most is that people will see I’m currently in over my head. I am hoping that this is how I grow and that I’m doing the right things. Powering through the insecurities will get me to where I want to be. Right?

I am going to take that leap, push ahead and do my best to get to the next stage. An author friend and I are embarking on a new adventure. It will help us grow. It will help others that decide to join us. It will be a lot of hard work and a lot of responsibility, but I’m hoping the end result will be fun and worth it.

Soon, I’m hoping to say I have overcome these insecurities.  I am in the twilight zone, but despite the disorientation, I see fantastic things happening.

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