http://romanceontherocks.com/2016/02/its-leap-day-single-ladies-are-you-ready/

On January 29th Lori appeared on USA Today’s Happy Ever After blog as a guest on the new blog by Denny S. Bryce on Book Boyfriends.

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Each week I highlight a song on twitter than I’m loving. This week it was Humble and Kind by Tim McGraw.

I was almost two months pregnant and flying with my 14 month old daughter to New York on 9/11. The flight from Mississippi to North Carolina went smoothly, but as we arrived at the gate to make our connecting flight to New York, flights had been delayed. One tower of the World Trade Centers had been hit by a plane.

Every eye at the gate was glued to the overhead TVs as the report came in that another had been hit. I remember saying to the man beside me “That was no accident.” I became hyper-focused on my daughter and then worried that my husband may have gotten up and gone into the city that day. He was working in mid-town, but I didn’t want him anywhere near what was going on. To my relief, when I called, he was still at his dad’s in Westchester County.

Sometime later, I was standing in a line trying to re-book my flight when a news reporter came up to interview me. Up until that moment, everything had been surreal, but as soon as she started asking questions, it sunk in that someone had purposely sought to kill innocent people just going about their daily routine. I remember saying something like “How could anyone do something like that?” and then I looked down at my sweet, unsuspecting, energetic child, who just wanted to run around the airport and play. I burst into tears in front of the reporter and camera.

Luckily I found a nearby hotel that had a room and a shuttle. The next day I returned to the airport to wait with every other trapped passenger, most of whom had stayed the night on the airport floors. In one of the lines an airport employee said she saw me on the news the night before. It’s probably a good thing I did not catch that news report because I’m sure I looked hideous.

There were many heroes that day, average citizens helping others, the firemen and the police and countless others. I had my own personal heroes that day too. The lady at the US Airways ticket counter that found a package of emergency baby supplies for a scared young mom and the numerous American Red Cross volunteers that stayed at the airport to hand out toothbrushes, water and necessities for all the stranded and terrified people.  They gave my daughter a teddy bear that probably reassured me more than it did her.

Since 9/11, my charity of choice has been the American Red Cross because I have seen them in action and I know their work is worthwhile. The money you give today may not be put to use right away, but it will go to help others when an emergency does arrive.

On our third day stranded, my husband drove down to pick us up. The days had been horrible, but we were so thankful that we were the lucky ones and made it to New York safely.

On 9/11, I remember all of those innocent people. I remember all of the first responders that worked so hard at great sacrifice to themselves. And I remember my own heroes too. I still have my daughter’s bear and the US Airways package. It’s strange because I am an anti-hoarder, but I’ll never be able to let them go, just like I will never forget.

The Twilight Zone – Wiktionary definition- a region in which surreal, supernatural or fantastic events occur

A place in-between or the gloaming; whatever you call it, it’s a place I thought I would never find myself. That grey area between being a novice and an expert. It’s that awkward spot when you’ve passed that initial learning curve and people expect you to know what you are doing. It can happen to anyone starting a new job or relationship, learning a new craft or a language.  Even parents of kids past that tough toddler stage are looked to as skilled in their duties and asked for advice.

We all know looks can be deceiving.

I no longer feel as if I’m new to writing, but I’m still a good distance from where I see myself heading. My dilemma is that I have grown, but at the same time other’s perceptions of me have as well. Can I meet their higher expectations?

It’s crazy, but some people think I know what I’m doing. It’s because I’m no longer afraid to sit quietly in the corner trying to decipher what others are saying. I’m an active participant in conversations on craft, marketing and social media. This gives people the impression that I know what I’m talking about and maybe I do. But I still feel like I’m winging it.

I thought once I had this knowledge and could participate and put myself out there I would be more confident. Leaving the newbie status would somehow put me where I belong, or at least where I want to be.  I’m finding that not to be the case.

A new wave of anxiety has gripped me. The fear that others will be disappointed in my results haunts me with each new endeavor. Not that I feel that way about my writing itself, I do believe I am growing and on track to one day soon be published.  (fingers crossed)

Is every stage of this journey just as terrifying as the first?

I am challenging myself in areas that scare the crap out of me, but I’m doing it. What frightens me the most is that people will see I’m currently in over my head. I am hoping that this is how I grow and that I’m doing the right things. Powering through the insecurities will get me to where I want to be. Right?

I am going to take that leap, push ahead and do my best to get to the next stage. An author friend and I are embarking on a new adventure. It will help us grow. It will help others that decide to join us. It will be a lot of hard work and a lot of responsibility, but I’m hoping the end result will be fun and worth it.

Soon, I’m hoping to say I have overcome these insecurities.  I am in the twilight zone, but despite the disorientation, I see fantastic things happening.

Despite the gloomy rain that has canceled soccer practice, messed up my hair, made it difficult to drive home from the ER late one night and interrupted my dogs’ outside playtime, I am still optimistic. For me this week, there has been a silver lining to every cloud.

The week started out uneventful. I did the normal mom stuff and worked on my writing. Tuesday, my oldest child developed hives. We thought it was due to a new body wash she had been using, so I gave her benadryll and sent her to school. I missed one of my weekly writing groups to stay close to home. Instead, I went to the local library and sat in the quiet room. Those places are amazing, but eerily quiet. I felt guilty just unzipping my computer bag. As I was done, I peaked over my shoulder to confirm that I had not disturbed the dark haired college aged girl behind me or the balding man in kakis and button down shirt several desks down. I have found that these rooms produce a strong need in me to accomplish the task I set out with. No distractions. I now know I enjoy working at the library. 🙂

My daughter seemed to improve until Wednesday morning, when she woke with more hives. This time I gave her medicine and sent her back to bed. I did wake her and took her to school a couple hours later so that she could take a scheduled test. Not long before the school day was over, I got the dreaded call. She had worsened and I needed to go get her. I do have to mention that I was able to meet up with a new writing friend and get a lot accomplished in-between that time. She and I work well together, just the right amount of talk to work ratio. Love you, Harper Kincaid. 🙂 Back to the story, shortly before my youngest two got home, my daughter’s breathing became labored. My husband came home to watch the boys and I rushed her to the ER. Not really sure what we should do, I said we would sit in the parking lot at the hospital and talk if her breathing improved, but I wanted that reassurance of knowing help was close by if needed. Her condition had not improved, so we went in. I tried to stay calm and I thought I was until I noticed the trembling in my hands as I fumbled with my drivers licence under their new checking-in kiosk. Apparently, I do not follow directions well when stressed. I checked myself in instead of her.

One epinephrine shot, an albuterol treatment, tons of pills and five hours later, we were given the choice to admit her or monitor her at home. She had definitely had an allergic reaction. To what we are not quite positive yet, but we will see an allergist. The plus side to this is that we know and will be prepared when she goes for her first few weeks away from home this summer. My husband, daughter and I all know how to use Epi-pens now, so if your child has an allergic reaction at my house, I will know what to do. 🙂

Lastly, this morning while my youngest two boys were finishing breakfast, I walked into the office for a minute. My 9 year-old, who had been hurling a homemade stress ball around all morning, rushed in moments later. “Mom, I broke the ceiling.” I walked back in to notice chunks of dri-wall and drips of water splattered on the floor. Knowing it was an accident, I wasn’t angry. I tried to be the stern parent and hide my amusement by covering my mouth with a hand. Judging by the tentative smirk on my son’s face, I was not successful. Sure, it will be a pain to fix it, but we now know there is a leak somewhere up there. My son just helped us discover it early. 🙂

So, I’m exhausted, have tons of work to do and the rain keeps falling. But overall it’s a good week.